Paint Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time.
    Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration project. Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with turpentine.
    Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the lawn.
    Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
    And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, more...

    2 nude nuns at work

    Hot 1 year ago

    Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
    After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
    In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
    "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns.
    "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
    "Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds"?

    Paint the Porch

    Hot 4 years ago

    Hobo shows up at the front door of a grand mansion. The owner comes to the door. Hobo says, "Sir, I am down on my luck and ask if you could please spare me a meal?"
    The owner stared at the hobo for a minute and then broke out in a lambasting such as the world has never heard. "You shiftless bum! I worked all my life for what I have and you make me sick, begging for food! How dare you! You should be ashamed!"
    The hobo lowered his head in shame. After a minute of silence, the owner began to soften toward the unfortunate man, and said, "Look, if you are willing to do some work for me, I will pay you and give you a meal."
    The hobo was ecstatic! "Oh, yes sir! I will do whatever you want. Thank you!" So the owner said, "OK, go around back. You'll see a porch there, and a bucket of battleship grey paint and a brush. Paint the porch, windows included, and you'll have a meal." The hobo wasted no time and scurried around more...

    Q: Why are men and spray paint alike?
    A: One squeeze and they're all over you.

    A bunch of nones are

    Hot 7 years ago

    A bunch of nones are teamed together to paint the interior of their new church..while painting, the lead nun sister margaret announces that she wants everyone to be especially careful not to get paint on their new nun robes...so when sister margaret leaves...sister Erin turns to the rest of the nuns and suggests that since they are all girls, they paint nude..so as to not get any paint on their new nun attire.. the nuns agree and so they continue painting in the nude... after an hour they hear the door bell ring..
    "who is it?" sister Erin asks...
    "A blind man!" the man responds..
    with a bit of relief, sister Erin lets the man in..
    the man stops stunned at the door way...
    "where do you want these drapes?" he asks..
    "and do you always paint in the nude?"

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