Porch Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An elderly lady was rocking on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when a Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared before her and offered to grant her three wishes.
    "Well," said the woman, "I really would like to be rich."
    *POOF* Her rocking chair turned to solid gold.
    "I sure wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess," she said.
    *POOF* She was immediately turned into a beautiful young princess with a stunning crown of jewels.
    "Your third wish?" asked the Fairy Godmother, just as the old woman's cat wandered across the porch in front of them. "Ohh," the woman exclaimed, "Could you possibly turn my cat into a handsome young prince?"
    *POOF* Standing before her was a young man far more handsome than anyone could ever imagine.
    She stared at him in awe, totally smitten. As he moved towards her, she could feel her knees weaken. He bent down, lightly brushed his lips across her ear and whispered, more...

    An eager, but less than bright, young entrepreneur decides to
    go into the painting business. So he wanders into the rich part
    of town, paint brush in hand, and knocks at the door of a
    large house.
    "Good day, sir. I was wondering if you had any painting you
    need done."
    The owner of the house, a rich man by any standard, looks
    speculatively at the painter. He perceives a vibrant
    entrepreneurial spirit, which reminds him of his own ambition
    in his younger days.
    "Hmmm. Yes, I think my porch needs a coat or two of paint."
    The eager young painter rushes off around the side of the house...
    Several hours later, he returns to the front door, his clothes
    dripping paint, and knocks again.
    "Sir, I've finished! But I have to tell you, that wasn't a porch, it
    was a Ferarri."

    Poof!

    Hot 2 years ago

    An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
    "Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
    *** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
    "And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
    *** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
    "Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
    *** POOF ***
    There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."

    A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door.
    When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
    The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal."
    So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door.
    The owner asks, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
    The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW..."

    Row house

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man and his wife live in a row house where all of the houses look alike. The wife tells the husband that everytime he goes out he returns to the wrong house and disturbs the neighbors.
    To fix the problem the man puts a lantern on his porch to remind him of his house.
    So, like clockwork he goes out and gets plastered. Upon returning home he sees the lantern and says to himself "Theres my house and there's the lantern I put on the porch."
    Satisfied with himself he walks onto the porch and puts his key in the door, "I knew it, this my house cause my key works."
    Now even more impressed with himself, he enters into the house and goes to his bedroom. Upon entering he exclaims, "I knew this was my house cause there is my wife, and there I am in bed with her!"

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