Porch Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An elderly lady was rocking on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when a Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared before her and offered to grant her three wishes.
    "Well," said the woman, "I really would like to be rich."
    *POOF* Her rocking chair turned to solid gold.
    "I sure wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess," she said.
    *POOF* She was immediately turned into a beautiful young princess with a stunning crown of jewels.
    "Your third wish?" asked the Fairy Godmother, just as the old woman's cat wandered across the porch in front of them. "Ohh," the woman exclaimed, "Could you possibly turn my cat into a handsome young prince?"
    *POOF* Standing before her was a young man far more handsome than anyone could ever imagine.
    She stared at him in awe, totally smitten. As he moved towards her, she could feel her knees weaken. He bent down, lightly brushed his lips across her ear and whispered, more...

    A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door.
    When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
    The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal."
    So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door.
    The owner asks, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
    The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW..."

    Poof!

    Hot 1 year ago

    An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
    "Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
    *** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
    "And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
    *** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
    "Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
    *** POOF ***
    There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."

    Row house

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man and his wife live in a row house where all of the houses look alike. The wife tells the husband that everytime he goes out he returns to the wrong house and disturbs the neighbors.
    To fix the problem the man puts a lantern on his porch to remind him of his house.
    So, like clockwork he goes out and gets plastered. Upon returning home he sees the lantern and says to himself "Theres my house and there's the lantern I put on the porch."
    Satisfied with himself he walks onto the porch and puts his key in the door, "I knew it, this my house cause my key works."
    Now even more impressed with himself, he enters into the house and goes to his bedroom. Upon entering he exclaims, "I knew this was my house cause there is my wife, and there I am in bed with her!"

    Redneck Engineering Exam

    Hot 8 months ago

    1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
    2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO
    3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
    4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
    5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
    6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 more...

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