Pack Jokes / Recent Jokes
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..' Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch. A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!' Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think more...
A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.
A week later, the man returns and his wife asks,"Did you have a good trip, dear?"
The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box."
This guy runs home and bursts in yelling, "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care... Just get the f**k out!"
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" The husband says, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter..... just get out!"
Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at therubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goesinto the back and brings out another pack. "Nah," says Johnny, "what elsedo you have?" "Well," the chemist replies, "the only other kind that Ihave are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know whatthese will do to a woman?" Little Johnny says, "No... but they'll make agoat jump about two feet off of the ground!"
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.' 'No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.' 'Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes.' 'I found them in the hallway.''' 'Now,'' she said,' 'if only I could find my parakeet.''
Betty came home to her husband one afternoon and exclaimed, "Honey! Pack your bags! I won the lottery!!!"
He said, "Really?!? Wow! What should I pack for? Hawaii? A cruise? Europe?"
"I don't care," she replied, " just get your ass out of here."