Lottery Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Lottery

    Hot 8 months ago

    Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

    Lottery

    Hot 5 months ago

    A man comes home to his wife and says

    "Honey pack your bags I just won the lottery!"

    And she goes " What should I Pack?

    He goes " I Don't care, just pack and get out!"

    Lottery Ticket

    Hot 4 years ago

    A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Mobile, Alabama to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
    The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
    The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
    Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
    The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

    Lottery ticket

    Hot 3 years ago

    Sid goes to temple and gets down on his knees and prays, "Dear God, I work hard but my business isn't doing well, my wife is acting strange and my daughter, ah, you don't want to know. Would it be so terrible, maybe I could win the lottery?"
    The next week he's back. "God, my wife, she's moving out and I'm getting audited by the IRS. And my daughter, she's running around with a such a sleaze, would it be so terrible, I could maybe win the lottery?"
    The next week, Sid's back. God, now I find my business partner ran off with my wife, leaving me to pay the taxes with money I don't have cause she cleanned out the bank accounts. And my daughter, she's pregnant by that nogoodnik who ran off as well. God, would it be so bad that I might win the lottery?"
    At that moment a beam of light comes blazing through the window as the clouds outside part and a voice booms down, "Sidney, meet me half way on this one, BUY A TICKET!!!"

    Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
    The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

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