Oscar Jokes / Recent Jokes

Russell Crowe says that since he's put his Oscar in his barn, his chickens have been laying bigger eggs. In a related story, actor Cuba Gooding, Jr. says that since he won his Oscar, his movies have been laying bigger eggs.

Sung to the Oscar Mayer song:

His baloney has a first name,
It's "I did not inhale."
His baloney has a second name:
"I wasn't getting tail."

He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!

Sung to the Oscar Mayer's song: His baloney has a first name, It's "I did not inhale."His baloney has a second name:"I wasn't getting tail."He loves to sling it every day, The White House people all just say, That Billy Clinton has a wayOf making bullshit sound OK!

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged him and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"

Sung to the Oscar Mayer™ song:
His baloney has a first name,
It's "I did not inhale."
His baloney has a second name:
"I wasn't getting tail."
He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!

Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Oscar
Oscar who?
Ask her a silly question, get a silly answer!

The legendary meat-processor's cause of death has a first name it's H-E-A-R-T. His cause of death has a second name it's A-T-T-A-C-K.
Oscar Mayer is the only person in history to have his famous wiener eaten more times than John Holmes.