Bean Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Name Game

    Hot 1 year ago

    If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the' 90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh. How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou. If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then more...

    Mr Bean in Brain Tumour

    Hot 7 years ago

    Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
    Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
    Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
    Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
    Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
    Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

    Do Or Say If You Wake Up To Your Roommate Having Sex
    50. (the obvious) "Ooooooo"
    49. "That would work better the other way around. ."
    48. Sniff. Sniff. "Is something burning?"
    47. "Damn, that's complicated."
    46. "Wait, wait, use my pillow."
    45. "Alright already, _I_came."
    44. "You guys need a value pak."
    43. Smoke a pipe. Every once in a while wave it around and say "Good show, old bean."
    42. "Is that sperm or a mudpack?"
    41. "You've got something stuck in your teeth."
    40. "4 out of 5 dentists say that's bad for your enamel."
    39. Go to the fridge, break open a cold one and pick up the remote. Point and click. Complain when they don't change positions.
    38. "You know, they say that three's a charm."
    37. Suggest your favorite position.
    36. Shine a flashlight on them and say, "This is a citizen's arrest, more...

    Do Or Say If You Wake Up To Your Roommate Having Sex50. (the obvious) "Ooooooo"49. "That would work better the other way around. ."48. Sniff. Sniff. "Is something burning?"47. "Damn, that's complicated."46. "Wait, wait, use my pillow."45. "Alright already, _I_came."44. "You guys need a value pak."43. Smoke a pipe. Every once in a while wave it around and say "Good show, old bean."42. "Is that sperm or a mudpack?"41. "You've got something stuck in your teeth."40. "4 out of 5 dentists say that's bad for your enamel."39. Go to the fridge, break open a cold one and pick up the remote. Point and click. Complain when they don't change positions. 38. "You know, they say that three's a charm."37. Suggest your favorite position. 36. Shine a flashlight on them and say, "This is a citizen's arrest, assume the position."35. "Bring in the Gimp."34. "Hold more...

    If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.
    If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd then become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
    If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then become Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
    If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
    If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
    If Tuesday Weld married Hal March III, she'd be Tuesday March 3.

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