Oscar Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Oscar
Oscar who?
Ask her a silly question, get a silly answer!

My bologna has a first name,
It's c-o-w cow.
My bologna has a second name,
It's l-i-p-s lips.
Oh, I have to eat it every day,
And if you ask me why I'll sayyyy...
'Cuz Oscar Mayer has a way
Of getting by the FDA!

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes car to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"

Oscar got to the broken down inn and asked for a room.
"I have only one room left," said the innkeeper, "But before I give it to you, I must tell you that room is where the white-eyed ghost lives."
Oscar wasn't worried. "I'll take the room," he said, "I'm not afraid of ghosts."
That night, when Oscar went to bed, a scary voice said, "Boooo! I am the white-eyed ghost...."
"Shut up!" Oscar said, "i'm tired!"
"Boooooo" the ghost said again, "I am the white-eyed ghost!"
Oscar sat up, reached over, picked up a chair and threw it at the ghost, who disappeared. Oscar lay down again and shut his eyes.
"Boooooo!" moaned the voice from the darkness, "I am the black-eyed ghost...."

Russell Crowe says that since he's put his Oscar in his barn, his chickens have been laying bigger eggs. In a related story, actor Cuba Gooding, Jr. says that since he won his Oscar, his movies have been laying bigger eggs.

Sung to the Oscar Mayer's song: His baloney has a first name, It's "I did not inhale."His baloney has a second name:"I wasn't getting tail."He loves to sling it every day, The White House people all just say, That Billy Clinton has a wayOf making bullshit sound OK!

Sung to the Oscar Mayer™ song:
His baloney has a first name,
It's "I did not inhale."
His baloney has a second name:
"I wasn't getting tail."
He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!