Oscar Jokes / Recent Jokes
Oscar got to the broken down inn and asked for a room.
"I have only one room left," said the innkeeper, "But before I give it to you, I must tell you that room is where the white-eyed ghost lives."
Oscar wasn't worried. "I'll take the room," he said, "I'm not afraid of ghosts."
That night, when Oscar went to bed, a scary voice said, "Boooo! I am the white-eyed ghost...."
"Shut up!" Oscar said, "i'm tired!"
"Boooooo" the ghost said again, "I am the white-eyed ghost!"
Oscar sat up, reached over, picked up a chair and threw it at the ghost, who disappeared. Oscar lay down again and shut his eyes.
"Boooooo!" moaned the voice from the darkness, "I am the black-eyed ghost...."
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oscar!
Oscar who?
Oscar a silly question, get a silly answer!
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."-- Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."-- Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."-- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."-- Moses Hadas "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."-- Abraham Lincoln "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."-- Groucho Marx "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."-- Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely more...
When Oscar went away on vacation, his brother Harry promised to take care of his cat. The next day, Oscar called Harry to see how the animal was doing.
"Your cat is dead," said Harry, matter-of-factly.
"Dead?" said the shocked Oscar. "Why did you have to tell me like that?"
"How should I have told you?" asked Harry.
"Well, " said Oscar, "the first time I called, you could have broken it to me gently. You could have said my cat was on the roof, but the fire department was getting her down. The second time I called, you could have told me the cat fell out of the fireman's arms and broke its neck. The third time I called, you could have said the vet did everything he could, but Fluffy passed away. That way it wouldn't have been so hard on me."
"I'm sorry," said Harry.
"That's all right. By the way, how's mother?"
"She's up on more...
My bologna has a first name,
It's c-o-w cow.
My bologna has a second name,
It's l-i-p-s lips.
Oh, I have to eat it every day,
And if you ask me why I'll sayyyy...
'Cuz Oscar Mayer has a way
Of getting by the FDA!
Academy Award-winning actress Tatum O'Neal was released after her arraignment at a Manhattan courtroom Monday stemming from her weekend arrest for allegedly buying crack cocaine.
She denied this accusation by crying out that all of her crack is clearly labeled "Happy Birthday Addie" from her aunt Helen in Wichita.