Oranges Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: If you have 4 apples and 3 oranges in one hand, and 3 apples and 4 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Very large hands!!

Why are oranges like bells? You can peel (peal) both of them.

Three jokes all related to the recent Clinton visit to Ireland.

Joke 1
On his recent trip to Dublin, Bill Clinton walked down Moor Street. For those of you that don't know Dublin, Moor Street has a large population of street fruit sellers.
Bill goes up to one of these fruitsellers and asks for a dozen oranges. He is given his bag of oranges, pays his money and walks off.
A liitle way down the road he looks in the bag and discovers he only has 11. He goes back to remonstrate: Bill: "How many Oranges do I get in a dozen in Ireland?"
Street Seller: "12 sir"
Bill: "But I've only got 11!"
Street Seller: "That's right, one was bad so I threw it away for you!"

Joke 2
Prior to Bill's visit to Ireland the CIA and Secret Service wanted to ensure everything was perfectly safe, so they trained a special agent in every known dialect of Irish Gaelic, and sent him on a short tour of the country.
He more...

A middle-aged man had an obsession with women's breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.

"I am going to do word association," explained the doctor. "I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that come to your mind."

"Oranges," said the doctor.

"Breasts," replied the patient.

"Apples."

"Breasts."

"Watermelons."

"Breasts."

"Wipers."

"Breasts," said the patient with the same reply.

"Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges, apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile's wipers? Where is the connection?" asked the doctor.

"Easy. .. one on the left and one on the right!"

Mrs. Goldberg was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?"
"Two for a quarter," answered the vendor.
"How much is just one?" she asked.
"Fifteen cents," answered the vendor.
"Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Goldberg.

Oranges and Lemons
Says the bells of St. clements
I owe you five FARTINGS
Says the bells of St. Farting

A woman goes into a greengrocer and is looking round anxiously at a pile of
oranges.
"Can I help you madam?" asks the shopkeeper.
"Well, I was looking for some fruit for my husband. Have these oranges been
treated with any poisonous fertilizer or weedkiller?" she replies.
"No madam, you'll have to get that from the chemist's."