Nurses Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

    Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

    "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

    Nursery Tale

    Hot 5 years ago

    Three nurses died and went to Heaven, where they were met at the Pearly
    Gates by St. Peter.
    To the first, he asked, "So, what did you used to do back on Earth? Why
    do you think you should be allowed to come into Heaven?"
    "I was a nurse at an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring
    healing and peace to many sufferers, especially poor, helpless children."
    "Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the Gates
    she went.
    To the next, he asked the same question, "So, what did you used to do?"
    "I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in the Amazon basin," she replied.
    "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who
    tried to reach out to as many people across numerous tribes, with a hand
    of healing and peace, and with the message about God's love."
    "How touching," said St. Peter. "You, too, more...

    Horny Nurses!

    Hot 6 years ago

    3 nurses go into the morgue, and there's a dead man's body lying there, with an erection.The first nurse sees it, and says "I'm gagging for it", gets atop the man and has her way with it.The second nurse says "Aye, so am I, shame to let it go to waste", and she does the same.They turn to the 3rd nurse and ask her if she is having a go. She replies she is having her period, and declines. One of the nurses reply "He's dead anyway, he'll no bother". The last nurse agrees with this, gets on and does her thing too.Just after she finishes, the dead man sits up. The nurses ask him "We thought you were dead!", and the man replies,"After two jump starts and a blood transfusion, you wouldn't be dead either!".

    The Hospital Bill

    Hot 7 years ago

    An elderly Jewish man was admitted to the local hospital, which happened to be run by a Catholic order. All the nurses were nuns.
    One of the nurses was preparing his records and she asked him who would be responsible for his bill.
    "I don't have any money," the old man told her.
    "Do you have any family?"
    "I have one sister who changed her religion and became a nun, so she's an old maid."
    "I'll have you know that we're not old maids," the nurse protested. "We're married to Christ."
    "In that case," the old man replied, "send the bill to my brother-in-law."

    A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
    The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
    After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
    "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."
    This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.
    After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
    She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After more...

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