Nursing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Princess Nursing home

    Hot 7 years ago

    About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner.
    At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters,
    busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.
    I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
    As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises".
    She replied, "Yes, that's true. It's cheaper than a nursing home".
    After talking with her, I decided there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.
    The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per more...

    Are you comfortable?

    Hot 3 years ago

    Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman that was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home.
    At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair.
    Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to hisleft. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up.
    A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right. Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side.
    Then he started leaning forward. This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair.
    About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?"
    "It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart."

    Left and Right

    Hot 3 years ago

    Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home.
    At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair. Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up.
    A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right.
    Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side.
    Then he starting leaning forward.
    This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair.
    About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?"
    "It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart!"

    These two old men are in a nursing home. Theyre talking and realize that its been years since they have had sex. So they sneak out and go to the closest whorehouse. Once inside they go to the Pimp and ask for the two best girls. The Pimp thought "Im not going to waste my two best girls on these guys Ill just give them inflatable women. They are old and they wont know the difference." Once the old men finish they leave. On their way back they start talking. The first guy said, " I think mine was dead she didnt move or anything." The second guy said I think mine was a witch because when I nibbled on her neck she farted and flew out the window."

    A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left
    her, hoping she would be well cared for.
    The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast,
    and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
    She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways
    in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her
    and straighten her up.
    Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt
    over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought
    her back upright. This went on all morning.
    Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to
    her new home.
    "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
    "It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

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