Names Jokes / Recent Jokes

REAL CHEMISTRY NAMES OF REAL PEOPLE
Gold J. of North Carolina
Silver J. of North Carolina
Argon C. of Guam
Florine J. of Tennessee
Clorine J. of Maryland
Benzena J. of South Carolina
Ethyl J. of Ohio
Ether J. of Tennessee
Methyl S. of Maine
Methane M. of Alabama

On the third day I was dust, ordinary common dust like you see on a country road in a dry spell, nothing expected of me, me expecting nothing neither.
On the sixth day he comes along and blows. "In my own image too", he says, like he was doing me a favor.
Sometimes I think if he'd waited a million years by then I'd been tired maybe being dust but after only two, three days, what can you expect? I wasn't used to being dust and he goes and makes me into Man.
He could see right away from the expression on my face I didn't like it so he's going to butter me up. He puts me in this garden only I don't butter.
He brings me all the animals I should give them names What do I know of names? "Call it something," he says, "anything you want," so I make names up lion, tiger, elephant, giraffe - crazy but that's what he wants.
I'm naming animals since 5 AM, in the evening I'm tired I go to bed early, in the morning I wake up, there she is sitting by more...

Which two names figure prominently in every Apes diet? Ben/Anna!

Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds."Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created more...

...and the bartender came over to the first duck and says:
"what's your name and what've you been doing" the duck says " my names Heuie and I've been jumping in puddles", then the bartender goes over to the second duck and asks, what's your name and what've you been doing", the second duck says "my names Duie and I've been jumping in puddles", then the bartender goes over to the last duck and says "don't tell me your name is Louie and you've been jumping in puddles" the duck replies: "no, my names Puddles and I've been having a bad day"!!!

Here are some actual town's names:
1.) Two Egg, a town in Florida, was named for a system of barter used in the area after the Civil War, when two eggs were regularly traded for a bag of tobacco or sugar.
2.) Ed and Uz are the shortest place names in the United States. Both towns are in Kentucky.
3.) Slovenskanarodnapodpornajednota is a town in Pennsylvania. It has one of the longest names in the United States, but it covers only 500 acres and has only 11 residents, one mailbox, and one pay phone.
4.) Onoville, New York, was given this name because each time someone suggested a name at a town council meeting, the person was greeted by a chorus of "Oh, no!"
5.) Show Low is the name of a town in Arizona that was won in a game of chance. Two frontiersmen, dissolving a partnership, agreed the town site would go to the one who drew the low card.
6,) Pig's Eye was the former name of St. Paul, the capital of Minnesota.
And Finally...
7.) Snowflake, a more...

A girl was visiting her friend, noticed she had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The friend responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
The girl said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs something like that?"
Whereupon the friend responded: "What else are you going to name watch dogs?"