Mother Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother,' 'Mum, what's sex?''
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said,' 'Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?''
"How I Met Your Mother", is the story Chuck Norris tells to everybody.
A mother and a father were fighting calling each other bitches and bastards. When there 5 year old son walked in and asked what bitches and bastards meant. The parents said it was a very nice way to say ladies and gentlemen.
The next day the parents were feeling horny and were saying boobs and dicks. Their son walked in and asked what it meant. They replied it means coat and hats.
The next day was thanksgiving and the father was shaving, he cut himself and yelled shit! The son walked in and asked what it meant. The father replied its the brand of shaving creme.
That same day the mother was cutting the turkey and she cut herself. She yelled FUCK! The son walked in and asked what it meant. The mother replied it meant cutting the turkey.
The doorbell rang and the boy opened the door. The boy announced, "Good evening Bitches and Bastards, please hang up your boobs and dicks on the coat rack while my dad is wiping the shit off his face and my mother is fucking the more...
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson; "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A little girl and her mother are walking through a park and see two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl asks her mother what they're are doing. After a moments hesitation, the mother replies "They're making cakes."
The next day the little girl and her mother go to the zoo. The little girl sees two monkeys having sex, and again asks her mother what they are doing. The mother again uses the same answer "They're making cakes."
The next morning the little girl says to her mother "Mummy, You and Daddy were making cakes on the lounge last night."
The Mother replies " How do you know?"
The girl says "I licked the icing off the sofa!"
A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."
The girl then asks, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Mommy says, That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."
The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."
The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Her mommy is very more...
A young Greek man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" The Greek mother replies "I don't like her."