Mergers Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:
    Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
    Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.
    3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
    John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.
    Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.
    Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.
    Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become MineAll Mine.
    Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.
    Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.
    Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell Honeychild.
    3M, J.C. Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3 Penney more...

    Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.
    While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.
    Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
    Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more more...

    Have you heard there is a lot of mergers going on in the information technology industry, here are a few examples of deals in the works although they haven't been formally announced yet!
    Pitney Bowes may merge with Honeywell Bull to create Pit Bull: They'll have the first postal meter that bites unauthorized users.
    CheckFree Corp., Inacomp, and Beyond Mail will become Check's InaMail.
    Real World Accounting and Virgin Interactive will become Real Active Virgin: Recommended by Madonna.
    Dell Computer and Farmer's Almanac will become Farmer's in the Dell: They'll specialize in computers that can predict crop yields and planting times.
    Megahertz Corp., My Software, and Fastback will become MyBackHertz: Their specialty will be easy to use PCMCIA backup!

    In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal, the AOL/Netscape deal, and the HP/Compaq deal, here are the next bombshell mergers. Investors should expect the following. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly Warner Cracker. 3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da. Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge to become Fairwell Honeychild. Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants will merge to become Poupon Pants. Knott's Berry Farm and National Organization of Women will merge to become Knott NOW.

    New business mergers!
    Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants: New company will be called - Poupon Pants. (my warped sense of humor loves this one!:)
    Knott's Berry Farms and National Organization of Women: New company will be called - Knott NOW!!!

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