Hale Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Name Game

    Hot 5 months ago

    If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the' 90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh. How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou. If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then more...

    In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:
    Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
    Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.
    3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
    John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.
    Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.
    Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.
    Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become MineAll Mine.
    Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.
    Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.
    Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell Honeychild.
    3M, J.C. Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3 Penney more...

    The Coin Toss

    Hot 4 years ago

    A U.S. Mint spokesperson announced the plans for a new fifty-cent piece that was being issued in the honor of two great American patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt, on the other, Nathan Hale. When questioned by a reporter why two people were going to appear on the same coin, the spokesperson replied, "These two men were selected to simplify life for a vast majority of Americans."
    The reporter then asked, "Could you explain how this would simplify life for Americans?"
    The official responded, "Certainly, I'd be happy to. Now, when they toss a coin, they can simply call Ted's or Hale's."

    Marriages

    Hot 5 years ago

    If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
    If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
    If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
    If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
    If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, hey! it's the '90's!, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
    If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elto John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
    If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
    If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
    If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
    If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
    How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.
    If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny more...

    for all of you with any money left...
    In the wake of the Exxon/Mobile deal and the AOL/Time Warner implode, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2004:
    1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
    2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.
    3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as: MMMGood.
    4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
    5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
    6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.
    7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.
    8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott more...

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