Marked Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Satan is giving him a VIP tour, showing him his options for spending eternity.

They come to a room marked "Hitler." Inside is Eva Braun, torturing Adolf Hitler with red-hot irons. Every time Hitler tries to escape,
Eva applies another iron.
"I can't spend eternity like that," says Clinton. "Show me something else."

Satan takes him to another room marked "Jack the Ripper."
Inside are three mutilated prostitutes, stretching Jack on the rack.
Every time Jack screams, the whores turn the wheel a little more.
"I can't spend eternity like that, either," says Clinton. "Show me something better."

Satan takes Bill to the last door.
Inside, Kenneth Starr is being held up to the wall with chains around his wrists. At his groin is Monica Lewinsky giving him oral sex.

Bill smiles. "Yes!" he shouts, "that's for more...

Two young men decided to make a bet as to which one of them could make love more times in one night. They agreed that sunrise would be the end of the contest and each went to their respective motel rooms.

The more boastful of the two.....went right to it and made love to his date... leaned over and marked a' 'l'' on the wall.... Feeling sprightly, he went again... and once again at the completion of the act. .marked another' 'l'' on the wall - next to the first. Figuring he had the bet in the bag.. he decided to relax a bit and in relaxing....fell asleep.

Awakened by the sun's rays coming in the window... he quickly grabbed his lady and did it one more time...... and marked another' 'l'' on the wall... Just at that time. .His friend enters...and upon seeing the marks on the wall exclaims:

' 'DAMN- a hundred and eleven... beat me by three....''

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the men's room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the men's room door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside.
The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR". Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.
He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!".
Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world!
The button marked "PP" yielded a large more...

Bloke desperate to use the loo in Chicago hospital is told by nurse 2 use the ladies but not too touch any buttons on the wall.Inside there were 4 buttons marked ww, wa, pp& a red 1 marked ATR. Curious, he pressed ww & there was a gental spray of warm water.He then pressed WA & he was dried with warm air PP produced a power puff so he decided 2 finished with ATR.next he knew he was in a hospital bed with the same nurse looking at him saying ATR means Automatic Tampon Remover, Your penis is under your pillow...

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Satan is giving him a VIP tour, showing him his options for spending eternity. They come to a room marked "Hitler." Inside is Eva Braun, torturing Adolf Hitler with red-hot irons. Every time Hitler tries to escape, Eva applies another iron. "I can't spend eternity like that," says Clinton. "Show me something else." Satan takes him to another room marked "Jack the Ripper." Inside are three mutilated prostitutes, stretching Jack on the rack. Every time Jack screams, the whores turn the wheel a little more. "I can't spend eternity like that, either," says Clinton. "Show me something better." Satan takes Bill to the last door. Inside, Kenneth Starr is being held up to the wall with chains around his wrists. At his groin is Monica Lewinsky giving him oral sex. Bill smiles. "Yes!" he shouts, "that's for me." Satan smirks and says "Good choice, Mr. President." He more...

Standing at the pearly gates of heaven, Albert noticed pointing to two paths.
One was marked "Women" and the other marked "Men". He took the path assigned to
men.
There were two more paths, one marked "Married Men", the other "Unmarried Men".
Because Albert had been married he took the corresponding path and then came
upon two more gates.
The right-hand gate had a sign that read "Men Who Were Dominated By Their
Spouses"; the other gate read "Men Who Were Not Dominated By Their Spouses". The
first gate had an endless line of chaps waiting, but only one little guy stood
before the second gate.
Albert found this very interesting, so he walked up to the little guy standing
all alone and asked, "Why are you standing at this gate, a little guy like you?"
The smallish fellow replied, "I have not any clue. My wife told me to stand
here."

Standing at the pearly gates of heaven, Albert noticed pointing to two paths. One was marked "Women" and the other marked "Men". He took the path assigned to men.
There were two more paths, one marked "Married Men", the other "Unmarried Men". Because Albert had been married he took the corresponding path and then came upon two more gates.
The right-hand gate had a sign that read "Men Who Were Dominated By Their Spouses"; the other gate read "Men Who Were Not Dominated By Their Spouses". The first gate had an endless line of chaps waiting, but only one little guy stood before the second gate.
Albert found this very interesting, so he walked up to the little guy standing all alone and asked, "Why are you standing at this gate, a little guy like you?"
The smallish fellow replied, "I have not any clue. My wife told me to stand here."