Lover Jokes / Recent Jokes

The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they girated to the beat o' love. The woman cocked her ear. "Quick it's my husband coming through the front door. Hide in the bathroom" she cried.
The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.
"What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked.
"Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you." she replied with a knowing smile.
"Great" he said "I'll just slip into the bathroom and will be with you in two shakes."
Before she could stop him he was into the bathroom where he found the lover clapping his hand in mid-air.
"Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded.
"I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths." the lover replied.
"But..but you've more...

The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own tattoo.
The woman cocked her ear, "Quick! My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried. The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.
"What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked. "Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you." she replied with a knowing smile. "Great," he said, "I'll just nip into the bathroom and I'll be with you in two shakes."
Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air. "Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded. "I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths," the lover replied.
"But..but you've got no more...

The lovers were lying on her bed in a passionate embrace when the woman suddenly cocked her ear. "Quick," she cried, "my husband is coming through the front door. Hide in the bathroom."
The lover ran into the bathroom as she quickly hid his clothes under the bed. Just as she turned back, her husband entered the bedroom. "What are you doing lying naked on the bed?" he asked.
"Darling, I heard you pull in the driveway and I wanted to be ready to receive you," she explained with a seductive wink and smile.
"Great!" he said. "I just have to run to the bathroom and I'll be right with you."
She began to panic, but before she could stop him, he was in the bathroom. There, he found a man clapping his hands together in mid air. Dumbfounded, he asked, "Who the hell are you?"
"I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these troublesome moths," replied the more...

There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married…and then it was too late! ”

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend’s girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she’s really attractive. - Bruce Friedman

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

A husband is more...

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...(She is speaking in a cheery voice)"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Penis breath, a lover's dread.
Is what you get when you give head.
Unpleasent as it tends to be.
Be grateful that he doesn't pee.
It's times like this you wonder why.
You bother reaching for his fly.
But it's too late, can't be a tease.
Accept the facts, get on your knees.
You know you've got a job to do.
So open up and shove it through.
Lick the tip then take it all.
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl.
Slide up and down, use your tonge.
And feel the precum start to run.
So when the fuck's he gonna cum.
Just when you can't take anymore.
Your hear your lover's mighty roar.
And when he hit's that real high note.
You feel it oozing down your throat.
Salty, fishy, sticky, nasty stuff.
Okay already, that's enough.
Let's switch you say, before you gag.
And what's your revenge, your on your rag.

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi.... I'm so glad that you called.... Really? That's wonderful.... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time.... Oh, that sounds terrific.... Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."