Item Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man will pay $2 for an item that costs $1 if he wants it. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale.A woman worries about he future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man.To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all.Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.Any married man can forget his past mistakes: there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things.A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change, and she does.A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

> >>Man & Woman Story
> >>
> >>ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
> >>Smart man + smart woman = romance
> >>Smart man + dumb woman = affair
> >>Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
> >>Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
> >>
> >>OFFICE ARITHMETIC
> >>Smart boss + smart employee = profit
> >>Smart boss + dumb employee = production
> >>Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
> >>Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
> >>
>>>SHOPPING MATH
> >>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> >>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
> >>
> >>GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
> >>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> >>A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> >>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
> >>spend.
> >>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> >>
> >>HAPPINESS
> >>To be happy with a more...

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has more...

Jealously eying her next-door neighbor's new mink stole, the young wife asked how she had been able to afford such an expensive item.
"You probably won't believe it," her neighbor replied, "but I saved up the money by charging my husband five dollars every time we made love."
That night, when her husband tried to fondle her, the young wife, determined to get a mink of her own, promptly stuck out her palm and demanded five dollars. Fumbling through his trousers, the husband complained that he had only $4. 50.
"For $4. 50," she rejoined stubbornly, "you can only sample my affection!"
After several minutes of extensive sampling, however, the aroused wife realized she would not be able to resist her husband's advances much longer. In a final attempt to maintain her newly acquired bargaining position, she whispered in his ear, "If it's all the same to you, dear, why don't I lend you fifty cents until tomorrow?"

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately call each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though its only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man more...

Modern Mathematics
Romance Mathematics
smart man + smart woman = romance
smart man + dumb woman = affair
dumb man + smart woman = marriage
dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Office Arithmetic
smart boss + smart employee = profit
smart boss + dumb employee = production
dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Shopping Math
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't need.
General Equations & Statistics
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.
Married more...

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.