Forgiven Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions. Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't, we'll have to ask you to visit the beast below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you will get. You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so huge!"St. Peter asked the first man, "How long were you married?"The guy replied, "24 years."St. Peter then asked, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"The guy said, "Yeah, about 10 times... but you said I was forgiven."Peter said, "Yes, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto for you to drive."The second guy got the same questions from Peter to which he replied, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out. I was more...
Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a man's private parts.
The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"
The nun replies, "My right hand."
The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Mary's and all will be forgiven.
The second nun goes into the confessional and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts."
The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"
The nun replies, "My left hand." The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Mary's and all will be forgiven.
Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, "Would you mind if I went first?"
The third nun says, "Sure I don't care, but would mind telling me more...
Three men stood in line for confession. The first
guy stood up and said, "OH PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
The minister asked what he did, "I ran over my
cat."
The minister said he was forgiven and to go drink
the holy water. Then the second guy walked up and
said, "OH PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
The minister asked what he did. "I killed my wife"
The minister said he was forgiven and to drink the
holy water. Then the third guy came up and said,
"OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME"
The minister asked what he did and he said, "I
peed in the holy water."
It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend.
"However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, and run off.
Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath. The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what more...
One day a burnette goes to a preacher and says, "I have commited a sin."
Preacher: what was it.
Burnette: I stabbed a man to death.
Preacher: go drink some holy water and your sins will be forgiven.
Later a redhead goes to the preacher and says, "I have commited a sin."
Preacher: what was it.
Redhead: I pushed a man of a cliff.
Preacher: go drink some holy water and your sins will be forgiven.
later a blonde goes to the preacher and says "I have commited a sin."
preacher: what was it.
blonde: I peed in the holy water that they are drinking.