Florida Jokes / Recent Jokes
Incredibly, by Florida standards, he's still considered to be a safe driver.
We, the people of Florida, are holding this election hostage.When you, the people of the U.S., promise to stop sending usyour old people, we will release your election.
These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up more...
A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete - how much steel! No, think of another wish."
The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care more...
FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.FLORIDA: We count more than you do.FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, Re-vote.FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again! FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311? FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount! FLORIDA: So nice, we let you vote twice.FLORIDA: We put the "duh" in Florida.FLORIDA: This isn't good when Alabama counts faster than us! FLORIDA: Once is never enough! FLORIDA: We would do a recount but we've run out of fingers and toes! FLORIDA: Don't blame me, I voted for Gore, I think.FLORIDA: Don't blame me, my vote didn't count.FLORIDA: We're retired -no wait- we're retarded! more...
FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, ReVote.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again!
FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311?