Finest Jokes / Recent Jokes

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.
As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.
"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend Sam asked.
"I've never had an old ball," Morris said.

One of Microsofts finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "Its leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

A number of years ago, a wealthy Texas rancher had a daughter who was about marrying age. But the rancher was afraid that someone would try to marry his daughter just for his money. So he decided to throw a party and invite all of the eligible men. At the party everyone was enjoying Texas longhorn steaks, Lone Star beer, etc.
After a while, the rancher gathered everyone over to his olympic-sized swimming pool. He and his daughter were on one side, all of the eligible men were on the other.
He announced to the men, "I have filled my pool with alligators, crocodiles, piranha, snakes, and all sorts of man-eating vermin. The first young man to jump in and make it across my pool alive receives 1 of 3 things. He may have 10,000 acres of my finest land, 5,000 head of my finest cattle, or my daughters hand in marriage."
Immediately a young man was in the pool, arms flailing, feet kicking, and waves splashing all around. He jumped out of the pool, his shirt, jeans, and more...

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards." So he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art, drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior.The big day arrives. Martin James Roget arrives at the country club forhis interview. "Tea?" the interviewer asks. "Earl Grey, hot please." "Hobbies?" "Polo, racket ball, hunting." "Religion?" "Goy."