Moshe Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
    "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
    Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"

    Parking Space

    Hot 7 years ago

    Moshe is driving around in a car park, but to his dismay, he cannot find a parking space. He drives around for half an hour then looks up to the heavens and says:
    "Excuse me? It's Moshe. G-d I really need your help. I can't find a parking space. I promise if you find me one I will go to shul every week and I will keep every Jewish law ever written!"
    Just then, a parking space appears in front of him. Moshe looks up to the sky again and says:
    "Actually, don't worry G-d, I just found one!"

    Second Opinion

    Hot 3 years ago

    Doctor Moshe Rabinowicz and his wife Rachel are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table. He gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, "and you are not any good in bed either" as he storms out of the house.
    After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends. He calls Rachel and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone. Again irritated Moshe says "what took you so long to answer the phone"?
    She says, "I was in bed".
    "In bed this late in the day, doing what"?
    "I was getting a second opinion" she replied.

    Moshe had a happy marriage for 25 years.
    For the 25th aniversary they have decided to go to the same place they had their first sex and do it like they did it the first time.
    So, they went to the same forest next to the city and found the same hidden place they had sex 25 years ago.
    After all the action was over Moshe said:
    - Listen, dear, we 've had sex with you for 25 years but such a performance like today you have never done before. Such good movement, so nice twisting...
    - Oh - the wife said - if you had on your bottom the nettles I had today you'd twist too!

    Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards." So he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art, drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior.The big day arrives. Martin James Roget arrives at the country club forhis interview. "Tea?" the interviewer asks. "Earl Grey, hot please." "Hobbies?" "Polo, racket ball, hunting." "Religion?" "Goy."

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