February Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?
A: We'll have six more weeks of splinters!
Q: Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?
A: He was having a bad lair day!
Q: What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a Christmas drink?
A: Ground Nog Day!
Q: What's green, has four legs, and jumps out of its hole on February 2?
A: The ground frog!
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown.
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -The Los Angeles Times, November 2
"Light" meals are lower in fat, calories -Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30
Alcohol ads promote drinking -The Hartford Courant, November 18
Malls try to attract shoppers -The Baltimore Sun, October 22
Official: Only rain will cure drought -The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men -The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty -Newsday, July 11
Man shoots neighbor with machete -The Miami Herald, July 3
Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes -The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30
Dirty-Air Cities Far more...
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown.Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -The Los Angeles Times, November 2"Light" meals are lower in fat, calories -Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30Alcohol ads promote drinking -The Hartford Courant, November 18Malls try to attract shoppers -The Baltimore Sun, October 22Official: Only rain will cure drought -The Herald-News, Westpost, MassachusettsTeen-age girls often have babies fathered by men -The Sunday Oregonian, September 24Low Wages Said Key to Poverty -Newsday, July 11Man shoots neighbor with machete -The Miami Herald, July 3Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes -The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows -The New York Times, March more...
Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.
Secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created.
March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day."
Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town-the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it.
This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! more...
Extracted from US news papers:
---------------------------
As part of an ongoing feud in Fairfield, Iowa, Ronald Warren Switzer, 39, flew a small plane over the
home of Mike Parsons in July and fired several rifle shots - perhaps the first fly-by shooting in the
U. S.
----------------------
According to Saundra Lewis, a clerk at a Durham, N. C., convenience store that was held up in
February, the robber kept apologizing. He said he was sorry when he began the holdup, then again when
he rejected her plea to think it over, then again just as he fled. A few seconds after leaving, he
returned and said, "I'm sorry - really, I'm sorry," but nevertheless kept the money. In contrast, the
robber of a tobacco shop in Mesa, Ariz., in March not only returned the next night to rob the clerk
again, but chastised her for having been rude to him the night before.
----------------------
In a San Francisco Chronicle story in more...