Blowjob Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Sucker

    Hot 8 months ago

    A man is out walking in the hills when he sees a woman standing on the edge of a cliff.She is very upset and crying loudly.

    What are you doing up here, said the man.

    I’m going to kill myself, replied the woman.

    Well, before you do, what about giving me a blowjob? said the man.

    The woman proceeds to give him the best blowjob he can remember.

    Anyway, why do you want to kill yourself? asks the man.

    Because my family have disowned me for dressing up as a woman.’

    Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
    A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
    Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
    A. A navel.
    Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
    A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
    Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
    A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
    Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
    A. A Klondike Bar
    Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
    A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
    Q. Why don't women wear watches?
    A. There's a clock on the stove!
    Q. What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
    A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
    Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
    A. They hang around after the man more...

    Convent joke

    Hot 8 months ago

    The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands
    downtown when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby,
    "Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the passerby and the woman promptly
    went down the next alley, where they went out of view.
    The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another
    streetcorner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman,
    much the same as the first, stated to another passerby, "Twenty bucks for a
    blowjob," at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where
    the abbot couldn't see what was going on. Still not knowing what a "blowjob"
    was, the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.
    Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so
    he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent. "Mother
    superior," he asked, "what's a more...

    A guy is in a phonebox and he sees an ad for a woman offering blowjobs whilst singing the national anthem. The guy fancies some of this, makes the appointment and goes round. The woman tells him that he must be blindfolded during the event as she does not want him to know her secret. The man agrees and a couple of minutes later he is enjoying the best blowjob of his life and the woman is singing her heart out in perfect soprano.

    Several minutes later and the guy is in near delirium, suddenly the phone rings and the woman stops to answer it. She comes back and explains that there is an emergency and she will have to go. She says that she will only be gone a little while so the man is welcome to wait or he can make another appointment. He decides to wait and hears the woman leave. As time goes by the man starts to wonder how the woman was doing it. He did not hear her start a CD and the sound was definitely coming from his nether regions.

    Time goes by and the woman more...

    Subject: Additional Training

    It is now and always has been the policy of this Company to assure its
    employees that they are well trained. Through our Special High Intensity
    Training program (SHIT), we have given our employees more SHIT than any
    other company in the area.

    If any employee feels that he or she could advance to another position by
    taking more SHIT, see your supervisor.

    Our management people are specially trained to assure that you will get all
    the SHIT you can handle.

    Any individual who feels he or she has not received sufficient Special High
    Intensity Training, tell your supervisor, she he can put you at the top of
    the SHIT list.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    What do you call a truck load of vibrators?
    - Toys for twats.

    What is red and has seven dents?
    - Snow White's cherry

    How can you tell Dolly Parton's more...

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