Exchange Jokes / Recent Jokes

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major U. S. research university. The element, tentatively
named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic
number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75
vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass
of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally
occurred in less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not decay, but more...

Late-breaking news: Federal investigators have revealed that yesterday's
record drop in the stock market was apparently triggered by two
high-school students operating out of a basement somewhere in Western
Pennsylvania. The names of the suspects, both minors, have not been
released. Arrest warrants have allegedly been issued, but the student
hackers apparently have not yet been apprehended. A spokesman for the
FBI refused to comment on the rumor that the two had managed to leave
the country carrying millions of dollars in cash and gold.
Just after the close of stock trading on Monday, the Washington Post
received a call from two individuals who claimed to be the stock market
"hackers." The callers explained that they have been breaking into the
computer systems of major brokerage houses for several months,
"adjusting" the price of various stocks. This was done by telephone,
using a Macintosh personal computer more...

By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground".It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale.It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky. It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License. All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease.An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club". The following important ammendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, more...

1.dumb guy: I have'nt slept all nite on the train.
Friend: Why?
Dumb guy: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why did'nt you exchange?
Dumb guy: oye, there was nobody to exchange with in the lower berth.
2. A Teacher lecturing on population -
In India, every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A dumb guy stands up - We must find & stop her!
3. Dumb guy - Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Dumb guy - If only the winner will get the cup, why are the
others running?
4. Teacher: "I killed a person." Convert this sentence into future tense.
Dumn guy: The future tense is, "You will go to jail."
5. Dumb guy gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out,
climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Dumb guy: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
6. Dumb guy was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be more...

Administratrium, The New Element
AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead more...

After a heated exchange during a trial, the judge asked both counselors to approach the bench.
"Your Honor," said lawyer Cox, "I objected because my distinguished colleague was badger-ing the witness. It's obvious he's never heard of the Bill of Rights."
"Rubbish!" snapped attorney Updike. "I happen to know them by heart."
Cox cocked a disbelieving brow. "Do you, now? Well, Updike, I have a hundred dollars! that says you can't even tell me the first iew words."
Bristling, Updike accepted the challenge and began, "I pledge allegiance to the flag.. .."
"Damn," Cox interrupted, fishing the money from his pocket, "I didn't think you'd know it."

A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While he's waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars.
He counts his money at the counter. "Wait a minute," he says to the clerk, "When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. What's going on here?"
"Fluctuations." says the clerk.
The Japanese man stiffens. "Well! Fluck you Americans, too!"