Double Jokes / Recent Jokes

An English Professor was lecturing to his students about the similarities between languages. He noted that in his studies of languages, he found that most every language that had a double negative, it really meant a positive. He went on to say that in none of the languages did a double positive mean a negative.

Moments after pointing this language commonalty out, a student in the back of the room replied, "Yea, right."

New reports show that pharmaceutical companies are paying twice as much to persuade doctors to subscribe their drugs than they are paying to actually develop the drugs.
Though that's nothing compared with the hours and hours I'll put into trying to get a girl into bed, compared with the actual time spent in bed.


(PS just a joke, ladies, i'm amazing in bed)
(PPS just kidding... i'm gay, and also not really good in bed)
(PPPS double joke! i'm straight-ish, but who cares)
(PPPPS i actually put in double the time making jokes ABOUT this joke than i did writing the actual joke... boom)

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender says "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?".
"Yeah, my wife..."

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back...
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."

A well-endowed university student was always being teased by her sorority sisters for being a size 36DD.
One night, at a fraternity party, a young man asked her what she would like to drink.
"I'll have a diet soda, please," she replied.
"Oh, you must be the double D," he said.
Furious, the girl wondered which one of her so-called friends had divulged such personal information.
"And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped.
Confused by her angry response, the man stammered, "You know, the designated driver."

A drunk walks into a bar and notices a banner that says "win $10,000; ask bartender for details".
He asks and the bartender says "well, you see that man at the end of the bar?". the drunk looks over and sees a huge, burley dude. the bartender says "if you can knock him out with one punch, you go to the second step...
The door right behind that big guy opens into a room containing an aligator with a sore tooth. if you can pull his tooth and come out alive, you move on to step three...
Those stairs next to the door go up to an eighty year old hooker's apartment. she has never been satisfied by any man. if you can satisfy her, you win the money!"
The drunk says ok and orders a double shot of whiskey. he belts that down, walks to the end of the bar and POW!, knocks the big dude out. he orders another double, belts it down, walks to the door, steps inside and closes the door. BAM, CRASH, GROWL is all the bartender and patrons can hear for a few more...

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Darn! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."