1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12) If you go into heat, package your meat
13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20) A crank with armor, will never harm more...
A flight attendant friend of mine and her boyfriend had been playing a little
game, where they would hide condoms in each other's pockets, briefcases,
lunches etc., to have them revealed at unexpected times.
One morning, shortly after taking off on a 3 hour flight, the flight
attendant was asked for aspirin, by a man with a headache. Recalling the
packet of aspirin she usually kept in her left pocket, she took it out,
placed it on the man's fold out table, and turned to pour him a glass of water.
When she turned around again, the man was staring, mouth open, at the
packet before him. He managed to stammer "Sorry Miss, I really DO have a
headache." On discovering her mistake, she turned several shades of red,
and scurried off to hide in the crew cabin.
Eventually, she had to resume her duties, and on each pass down the aisle,
she got a wink and a smile from the man with the headache.
Q Why cant a dalmation hide A Because hes already been spotted
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when the aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares, and see what happens
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'.
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly more...
Your mama lost the game of hide and seek. Only cos I spotted her, BEHIND MOUNT EVEREST!