Dorothy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

Dorothy is very upset, as her husband Albert had just passed away. She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed, and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying.
One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was wearing a black suit and that it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit. The attendant apologizes and explains that they always put the bodies in a black suit as a matter of course, but he'd see what he could do.
The next day, Dorothy returns to the mortuary to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the attendant pulls back the curtain, Dorothy manages to smile through her tears as Albert is now wearing a smart blue suit.
She asks the attendant, "How did you manage to get hold of that beautiful blue suit?"
"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man who was about your husband's size was brought in, and he was more...

Eighty-five year old Edward retired to Arizona after his wife of sixty years passed away. He felt very much alone in the world and longed for companionship.
While walking through a public park one day, Edward caught sight of what he considered to be a very attractive, silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Mustering up his nerve, he approached her and graciously asked, "Pardon me, but may I sit here with you?"
The silver-haired Dorothy looked up to see a distinguished looking, white-haired gentleman and replied, "Certainly," as she moved over to give him room to sit.
For the next few hours, the two sat and talked about everything. They learned that they both came from the same part of the country, enjoyed the same type of music, liked the same kinds of food, had had long, happy marriages and lost their spouses within the past year and, in general, agreed on just about everything.
Finally, Edward cleared his throat and shyly asked, more...

1996 will be remembered for:
"The introduction of 'doggy bottles' for French diners so they can take the remainder of their Beaujolias home and not risk being over the drink-drive limit.
The decision by Stockholm transport authorities to use cheap Spanish wine to power 82 of their buses.
The marketing of genuine 'Lesbian-produced' wine in Germany, guaranteed to be untouched by male hands.
The recall of 30000 bottles of 1993 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild from America because protesters claimed the label - showing a delicate nude by the artist, Balthus - was 'an enticement for child abuse'.
And the invention in Japan of a woman's bra which features two little compartments for warming sake wine, one in each 'cup'."
"...Trolling the wine shelves in six countries this year, I have spotted absolutely genuine vintages labelled Chateau de Tremble, Buzbag, El Bollox, Coma, El Baterio, Latrun, Arses Rioja - you had a choice between white Arses, red Arses and more...

I'm amazed more people haven't spotted these film flubs:

* Part of the movie is in black and white, then inadvertently goes to color, and then back to black and white! An obvious continuity gaffe.

* Although the movie purports to be in Kansas, several scenes are obviously filmed on a Hollywood sound stage.

* The scene where the teacher rides past Dorothy's bedroom window in the midst of a tornado is physically impossible.

* When the characters sing you can hear music accompanying them but there are no radios or musicians in the area!

* For a land to exist "over the rainbow" it would have to be lighter than air, and as Dorothy was already shown to be composed of solid matter, how come she didn't fall back down to earth?

* Some of the so-called "munchkins" are obviously children wearing fake facial hair and grown up clothes.

* The "yellow brick road" is not really yellow as much as more...