Dope Jokes / Recent Jokes

He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light. He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap. There are times he has something on his mind - he wears a hat occasionally. His neck reminds you of a typewriter - Underwood. The only time he thinks is in a poolroom, where he can rack his brains. If you want the real dope about anything, go to the real dope - HIM! He bought a topless bathing suit for his half-sister. A traffic judge asked him, "Have you ever been up before me?" And he said, "I don't know, what time do you get up?" Once he saw an old woman fall down, but didn't help her up. His mother warned him against having anything to do with fallen women. He's never bought Christmas seals -says he wouldn't know what to feed them. He carried a double-barreled gun to the ball game, because he heard the Lions were playing the Tigers. He called it quits when his fourth child was born, because he read that every fifth child more...

Funny quips, relating to a variety of different topics.

A collection of insults! We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!

We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".

You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure.

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth.

You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it!

A dope you are and dope will remain.
Completely unlike cocaine.
You add to, not diminish, pain!

We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

Your family tree is good, but you are the sap.

We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far more...

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough." That's the only way to command respect in the Army," his friends said. So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth." Show me a sergeant and I'll show you a dope," Reggie shouted. No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared." I am a sergeant!" he bellowed." I am a dope," whispered Reggie.

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough."That's the only way to command respect in the Army," his friends said.So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth."Show me a sergeant and I'll show you a dope," Reggie shouted.No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared."I am a sergeant!" he bellowed."I am a dope," whispered Reggie.

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough.
“That’s the only way to command respect in the Army, ” his friends said.
So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth.
“Show me a sergeant and I’ll show you a dope, ” Reggie shouted.
No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared.
“I am a sergeant! ” he bellowed.
“I am a dope, ” whispered Reggie.

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough.

"That's the only way to command respect in the Army," his friends said.

So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth.

"Show me a sergeant and I'll show you a dope," Reggie shouted.

No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared.

"I am a sergeant!" he bellowed.

"I am a dope," whispered Reggie.

We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!
We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, “Do not come home and all will be forgiven”.
You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure.
I don’t consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth.
You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it!
A dope you are and dope will remain.
Completely unlike cocaine.
You add to, not diminish, pain!
We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?
Your family tree is good, but you are the sap.
We all spring from apes, but you didn’t spring far enough.
It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up.
Lets play more...