Plant Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Planting the Lettuce

    Hot 2 years ago

    A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:

    "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

    The prisoner wrote another letter back:

    "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

    A
    prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear
    Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the
    back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read
    all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever
    you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where
    I hid all the money."
    A week or so later, he received another letter from
    his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe
    what happened, some men came with shovels to the house,
    and dug up the entire back garden."
    The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear
    wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

    Tomato Garden

    Hot 4 years ago

    An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He
    wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was a lot of
    work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent,
    who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote
    a letter to his son and described his predicament.
    Dear Vincent,
    I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I
    won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm
    just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I
    know if you were here my troubles would be over. I
    know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
    Love, Dad
    A few days later he received a letter from his son.
    Dear Dad,
    Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
    bodies.
    Love, Vinnie
    At 4 a. m. the next morning, FBI agents and local
    police arrived and dug up the entire area without
    finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
    left.
    That same day the old man received another letter more...

    Botany Puns VIII

    Hot 7 years ago

    1. What do you call a plant that is vericose and eats insects?
    A venous fly trap.
    2. What type of drawings do botanists enter in?
    Raffle-esias.
    3. If Johnathan Swift was a botanist what would his smallest characters be?
    The Lilly-putians.
    4. What is a Sesame Street botany toy?
    UTRICLE me Elmo.
    5. How do florists stay dry in a rain storm?
    With an Umbel-la.
    6. What is a contagious desease common among agriculturists?
    TUBERCLE-osis.
    7. The tree got married. It wanted to show off its ring.
    8. What does a botanist sleep on?
    A monocot.
    9. An arborist can count to Tree.
    10. Who stole from the plant?
    Robberulose Biphosphate.
    11. What keeps a botanist going?
    Tomentum.
    12. What is an herbologists favorite soup?
    Tomentum soup.
    13. Why is the body of a plant so vulgar?
    It is a thallic symbol.
    14. Why was the botanist crying?
    She had THYRSE in her eyes (what can I say it was more...

    Working in the garden

    Hot 7 years ago

    A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
    "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
    The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
    "Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."
    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
    "You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."
    The prisoner wrote another letter:
    "Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

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