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    Airline Announcements

    Hot 2 years ago

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
    safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
    are some real examples that have been heard or reported.
    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your
    lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
    Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
    to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
    please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if
    you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
    After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
    enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
    lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. more...

    ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION:
    You'll be making under $7 an hour.
    ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY:
    You'll be making under $7 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.
    PROFIT-SHARING PLAN:
    Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.
    COMPETITIVE SALARY:
    We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
    JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
    We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.
    NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:
    Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.
    IMMEDIATE OPENING:
    The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.
    CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
    We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; although a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
    COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
    We have a lot of turnover.
    MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
    You'll be six months behind more...

    ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal more...

    Employer's Lingo:

    Hot 4 years ago

    "COMPETITIVE SALARY"

    We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

    "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"

    We have no time to train you.

    "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"

    We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

    "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"

    You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

    "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"

    Some time each night and some time each weekend.

    "DUTIES WILL VARY"

    Anyone in the office can boss you around.

    "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"

    We have no quality control.

    "CAREER-MINDED"

    Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

    "APPLY IN PERSON"

    If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been more...

    "COMPETITIVE SALARY"
    We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
    "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
    We have no time to train you.
    "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
    We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
    "MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
    You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
    "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
    Some time each night and some time each weekend.
    "DUTIES WILL VARY"
    Anyone in the office can boss you around.
    "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
    We have no quality control.
    "CAREER-MINDED"
    Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
    "APPLY IN PERSON"
    If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
    "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
    We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
    "SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF more...

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