Defending Jokes / Recent Jokes

The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:

Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.

Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.

Overcharging fees to many clients.

Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.

And the list goes on for quite awhile....

The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also." St. Peter looks in his book and says,"Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?" The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes." St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:?My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.??Well put,? the judge replied.? Using your logic, I sentence the defendant`s arm to oneyear`s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.?The defendant smiled. With his lawyer`s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"
"No," the coroner replied.

The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?"
The coroner said, "No."

"Did you check for breathing?", asked the attorney.
Again the coroner replied, "No."

The attorney asked, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into
the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is
not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well
put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his
lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it
on the bench, and walked out.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1. Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.
2. Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
Overcharging fees to many clients.
3. Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
And the list goes on for quite awhile....
The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also." St. Peter looks in his book and says," Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?" The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes." St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."