Crutch Jokes / Recent Jokes
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
One Sunday morning a minister and a choirboy were getting the church ready for mass. The minister prepared his sermon while the choirboy filled the holy water fountain.Suddenly, the choirboy burst into the minister's room and yelled, "father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me... and he took a step forward"! The minister was awe struck by what he just heard. "My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where's this man now?"The Choirboy replies..."flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain"!
"Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up to the holy water a minute ago, and he splashed some on his right leg and then he threw away his right crutch! Then he splashed some more on the other leg and threw away his left crutch!" "My boy, you've witnessed a miracle! What happened then?" "He fell on his ass Father he's a cripple you know!"
Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up to the holy water a minute ago, and he splashed some on his right leg and then he threw away his right crutch! Then he splashed some more on the other leg and threw away his left crutch! "My boy, you've witnessed a miracle! What happened then?" "He fell on his ass Father he's a cripple you know!"
BERLIN (Reuters) - An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.
The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said on Thursday.
With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.
The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.
"After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man's garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh," the spokesman said. "Then he killed it with his crutch."
The spokesman said experts thought the attack may have been linked to the mating season or because the squirrel was ill.
Have faith and ye shall be healed!" intoned the evangelist at the revival meeting. A woman on crutches and a man came forward. The evangelist asked, "What is your name, my good woman?"
"I'm Mrs. Smith," she answered, "and I haven't been able to walk without crutches for twenty years."
"Well, Mrs. Smith," he said, "go behind that screen and pray."
Turning to the man, he asked, "Now, sir, what is your name?"
"My name ith Thamualth," he answered, "and I have alwayth thpoken with a lithp."
"All right, Mr. Samuals," the evangelist said, "go behind that screen with Mrs. Smith and pray." After several minutes had passed, the revivalist announced: "I think the time has come. Witness these miracles. Mrs. Smith, throw your left crutch over the screen." The audience gasped as it sailed over. "Mrs. Smith, throw your right crutch over the screen." more...