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Q: What is Clinton's plan to create thousands of small businesses? A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What’s the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What’s a man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat, and be vain; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he’s aroused, but since you’ve been complaining, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like more...

More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship - yet.
Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to
admit they're lost and pull over for directions.
Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way through.
Hasn't quoted Shakespeare - yet.
Looks better in sleepwear.
Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
Isn't French with an English accent.
Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering experience.
Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying
to convince them to behave better.
To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving more...

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings - they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

IN THE BEGINNING [author unknown]
(To justify God’s ways to the 21st century.)
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
: Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
: God
#Enter password.
: Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
: Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
: Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
: Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
: Create light
#Done
: Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12: 02: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92. 50.
#And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Monday, March 2.
: Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
: Create firmament
#Done.
: Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 more...

It is reported that the following part of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, "Where do pets come from?"
And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have more...

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A: Because she didn't know which one came first! Q: How can you confuse a blonde? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. Q: How do blonde brain cells die? A: Alone. Q: What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg? A: Nothing, they never met.Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Because the blondes couldn't manage it either. Q: What do you call a smart blonde? A: A Golden retriever! Q: What do you get when you ask a blonde, a penny for your thoughts? A: Change! Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know which day of the week it is. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week! Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted. Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together? A: They heard that under more...