Cat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What did the female cat say to the male cat? - A: You're the purrfect cat for me!

There was a cat and a mouse who went to heaven, and they were there at the same time. Well, the mouse approaches God`s throne, and God asks him, "So, how do you like it up here?" The mouse says, "It`s nice, but could I get a pair of roller skates?" God says, "Sure." So, the mouse gets his roller skates. Well, the next day, the cat approaches God`s throne, and the same question is directed at him. So, he answers, "It`s great! I didn`t know you had meals on wheels up here!"

Theorem. A cat has nine tails.

Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.

Q: Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise? - A: It's meow-sic to their ears!

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung on the side. The boy was wearing a firefighter's helmet and had the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

The firefighter said, "Hey little partner, what are you doing?"

The little boy said, "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration.

"Thanks mister" the boy said.

The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed that the boy had tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

"You're probably right, more...

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your human when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment for him/her.
1. I will not bathe my master after he bathes himself in the mud puddle.
2. I will not drag my master from the interesting sniffing spots.
3. I will not complain 'My arm is tired' after only throwing the ball 20 times.
4. I will not confuse my master by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.
5. I will not ask my master to play fetch with a boomerang.
6. I will drop whatever I'm doing and take my master out as soon as he asks me to.
7. I will get rid of those cats.
8. I will not tell my master to hurry up already when he's looking for just theright spot to take care of business.
9. I will make ice cream often and let my master lick the blades (rather thanhaving to steal a lick or two).
10. I will never eat until my master has tasted what I have and approved it more...

Q: What's every cat's favorite song? - A: Three Blind Mice!