Broken Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."
This is an Actual Article from the Los Angeles Times:
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying
to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe
Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomasszewski, and his homosexual
partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after
a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,"
he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had
enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a
hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the
tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair more...
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely? With it's sparrowchute!
Insensitive Term-Preferred Term: ETHNICITY
PC people do not recognize the term, "race," as valid
Black- African-Canadian, (NOTE: DOES NOT INCLUDE: LIBYANS, EGYPTIANS, WHITE South AFRICANS. DOES INCLUDE: PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN REGARDLESS OF WHERE THEY ARE FROM OR WHERE THEY LIVE.)
Oriental- Asian-Canadian (Note: Not Considered "REAL" Minorities since they tend to do well)
Indian- Native-Canadian (NOTE: The following terms are no PC: Atlanta Braves, Cleveland Indians, Kansas City Chiefs, Washington Redskins, (Avoid these cities!)
Chicano -Hispanic (NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT PC: Cheech and Chong, Chico and the Man episodes, Cisco Kid, Rosarita Salsa, Speedy Gonzales, AVOID! AVOID!)
White Trash-PC Unaware, Rustically Inclined
WASP (white male)-insensitive Cultural Oppressor (ICO)
GENDER-(PC people don't like the word "sex" as it has confusing connotations)
Woman- Womyn; more...
St. Peter was checking the gate between Heaven and Hell and found a broken hinge. He walked over to the pit and called to the devil. The devil swaggers up out of the pit and says, "Yo man, whatta ya want." St. Peter: "The hinge is broken and it's your turn to fix it." The devil retorted, "Gee, I am a bit busy and don't have anyone to spare for the job right now." St. Peter got angry. "Look we have an agreement, and it's your turn to fix the gate." The Devil responded, "Sorry Pete, it's our peak season and there just isn't anyone available for this." St. Peter turned red and exclaimed, "Ok, if that's the way you want it, we'll sue." A big grin broke out on the devil's face. "Oh ya, and just where are you going to find a lawyer?"
A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house. The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp. The husband asks: "Did we break that too?" "Yes", replies the man." Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks." No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?" The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer." "Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces." Second, I want a million bucks a week for life." "Poof! you get a million bucks a week", the genie more...