Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."
"Oh, that's awful!"
"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
tom: why are you scratching your head?
harry: ive got those arithmetic bugs again
tom: arithmetic bugs-what are they
harry: well, some people call them head lice.
tom:then why do you call them arithmetic bugs?
harry: because they add to my misery, subtract from my pleasure, divide my attention and multiply like crazy
Your mothers butt is so harry icomes and says, "don king in the house"
Several days before Halloween, Tom, Dick and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided to get in on the Halloween raffle. Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five $1 tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.
Tom won the first prize - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize - a six month supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.
The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."
"Me too," replied Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"
"Not so good," Harry groaned, "I reckon I'll go back to paper."
When his wife's snoring woke him for the third straight night, Harry went to the bathroom medicine cabinet, got some aspirin and popped two tablets into her gaping mouth.
'Awk, glub!' choked his startled wife. 'What the...'
'It's okay, honey. I gave you some aspirin,' he explained.
'Why? I don't have a headache!'
'Great!' said Harry, triumphantly. 'Let's Make Love!'