Bride Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride withno experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed upand started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies. Things are going fine until the bride discovers herhusband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?""Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope". She slides her hands further down and gasps."Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks."Honey, them's my knots", he answers. Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute". Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey? Am I hurting you?""No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!"

Rob and his new bride were on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to Rob, "I have a confession to make-I'm not a virgin."
So Rob replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was this guy?" "Ernie Els" his wife replied.
"Ernie Els the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
Rob and his wife then make passionate love. When they are done, Rob gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" says his wife.
Rob says, "I'm hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food."
"Ernie wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Ernie do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
So Rob puts down the phone and more...

Why is a bride always out of luck on her wedding day? Because she never marries the best man.

At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action". Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Wally is back again, rapping more...

Steve just married his bride, but she had been a devote Catholic and thus was still a virgin. Trying to put her at ease on the wedding night he said, "Now that we're married, sweetheart, I don't want you to feel any pressure when it comes to making love. When you're in the mood for sex, yank on my penis once."
"What if I'm not in the mood for sex?" the bride asks.
"Then yank it a hundred times."

A newly married couple was visiting friends when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."

Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride. His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle. Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice." Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?" The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her." "Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help." Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived more...