Honeymoon Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Mother's 3 Daughters

    Hot 9 months ago

    A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
    The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop."
    Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
    The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra long. King Size".
    She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
    The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another more...

    A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

    Three Daughters

    Hot 7 months ago

    A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
    The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mum was puzzled at first, but then went the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
    The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
    The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went more...

    Others Before Me?

    Hot 7 months ago

    The morning after an all-night honeymoon extravaganza in bed, the newlywed wife snuggles up to her hubby and asks, "Sweetheart, how many others were there before me?
    "After a few minutes of silence, the wife says, "Well, I'm waiting."
    And the guy takes a deep breath and says, "Well, I'm still counting."

    The Honeymoon is Over

    Hot 4 years ago

    Six key indicators of when the honeymoon period has finished.

    1. Addictions
    Before: You tell her you don't mind the occasional cold beer on a hot day with your mates, and that you've taken recreational drugs but those days are well and truly over.
    After: For the fifth night in a row you stagger in blotto, dig out your stash and mull up, pass out in the lounge in your underpants and expect her to accept that you're just being you.

    2. Bodily functions
    Before: You spray aerosol after a crap; piss on the side of the bowl to reduce noise and never, ever fart in her presence.
    After: You fart in front of her with impunity and obvious pride, commenting on the food intake for the day and speculating on the resultant odour. Despite repeated pleas to the contrary, you fart in bed and hold her head under the covers. You think it's hilarious.

    3. Relations/Friends
    Before: Her aunty Jane is a real character with a lively personality and more...

  • Recent Activity