Groom Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Wedding Vows

    Hot 4 months ago

    During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.
    "I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows," the groom said. "When you get to me and the part where it asks if I promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
    The day of the wedding arrived, and they reached the part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked him in the eye and said:
    "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every wish and command, serve her breakfast in bed each and every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
    The groom gulped, looked around, and replied in a meek voice, more...

    Priceless

    Hot 5 years ago

    Prelim explanation:
    It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
    As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope.
    He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
    After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best more...

    Smaller or larger tuxedo

    Hot 4 years ago

    A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

    Honeymoon Pranks

    Hot 3 years ago

    The wedding date was set and three of the groom's best friends, a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist, were deciding what pranks they would play on the couple on their wedding night.
    The carpenter decided that sawing the slats off their bed would give them a couple of laughs.
    The electrician decided that wiring their bed with alternating current would be worth a chuckle or two.
    The dentist wouldn't reveal what he had done, but wore a sly grin and promised that his prank would be a memorable one.
    The wedding went as planned and a few days later, each of the groom's three friends receive a letter which read:
    Dear Friends,
    We didn't mind the bed slats being sawed and the electric shock was merely a minor setback. But, I am going to strangle the wise guy who put the novocaine in the vaseline!

    The Irish Wedding

    Hot 1 year ago

    A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.The judge says, 'OK.''Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after more...

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