Boss Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen.

Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspaper came through his gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.

"I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away." The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him. The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of more...

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say,"Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me.
She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any, "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember."
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning boss, Happy Birthday," and I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon, when Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we more...

This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?"
The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in. She asks;
"How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She, "How much for the black one?"
He, "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She, "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks;
"How much for the black dildo?"
He, "$35."
She, "How much for the white one?"
He, "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She, "I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one more...

A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota. "

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says "One".

The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says "$101, 237.65".

The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium more...

The boss was in a quandary; he had to get rid of one of his staff.
He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.
It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.
He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.
Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over
after partying all night.
She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the boss approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like sh*t."

Kuttappan was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. ”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff,
“OK, Kuttappan how about Tom Cruise? ”
“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. ”
So Kuttappan and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, “Babu! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch! ”
Although impressed, Kuttappan’s boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Kuttappan that he thinks Kuttappan’s knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else”, Kuttappan says.
“President Bush, ” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yes, ” Kuttappan says, “I know him, let’s fly out to Washington. ”
And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Kuttappan on the tour and motions him and his more...

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"
Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "
Trainee: "Yes I do"
Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"
Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation
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In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
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In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
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During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you more...