Billy Jokes / Recent Jokes

The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New Your City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "fascinate."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My famiy went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was Fascinated." The teacher said, "good, but I wanted the word "fascinate."

Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.

Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her chest is so big she can only "fasten 8."

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa
***
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
***
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some more...

One fine morning, Billy and Buddy Snake were hissing around the front of their pit when their mother came outside. "Why don't you boys slither on over to Mrs. Pot's pit and hiss there for awhile?" she told them. So off they went.
They weren't at Mrs. Pot's pit five minutes before Mrs. Pot came out and scolded the two young snakes. "Oh no you don't," she said angrily. "You boys go back to your own pit and hiss there." So Billy and Buddy slithered back home.
Once back, their mother reappeared. "I thought I told you boys to go to Mrs. Pot's pit and hiss over there?" she said. "We did," said Buddy, "but she told us we had to come back here and hiss in our own pit."
"Well, the nerve of that woman," replied their mother. "Why I can remember when Mrs. Pot didn't even have a pit to hiss in."
with thanks to Frederic

Knock KnockWhos there! Billy Bragg! Billy Bragg who? Billy Braggs too much, tell him to stop it!

The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven."
"I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office."

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first, ” she said. “What does your mother do all day? ”
Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor. ”
“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amie? ”
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman. ”
“Thank you, Amie, ” said the teacher. “What about your father, Billy? ”
Billy proudly stood up and announced, “My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks. ”
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy’s house and rang the bell. Billy’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billy’s father said, “I’m actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old? ”

The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven." "I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office."