Band Jokes / Recent Jokes

q. What’s the gallbladder’s favorite band?
a. The Rolling Stones.

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"
After the doctor stops laughing he says, " Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping." The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for it.
They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress and as her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks:
"What the hell was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just more...

By Randy Jeffries/Weekly World News (January 23, 1996)
Bocholt, Germany - A band musician died of a brain injury when the trombonist behind him jerked the slide of his trombone forward and struck the trumpeter in the back of the head!
Police say the tragedy occurred as the Gratzfeld College band was rehearsing the spirited American jazz classic, When the Saints Go Marching In.
According to other band members, trombonist Peter Niemeyer, 19, "got carried away" with the music. He started gyrating and thrashing around as he played.
At one point, he jerked forward and the rounded metal slide on his instrument hit trumpet player Dolph Mohr, 20, dropping him instantly to the floor.
"Niemeyer was pumping the slide very hard," said medical examiner Dr. Max Krause. "But it wasn't just the force of the blow that killed Mohr.
"The slide struck him in the worst possible place - the vulnerable spot just behind and below the left ear. "Bone more...

Two drummers and a violinist decide to form a band. The three of them start playing, and the sound is just awful. One drummer turns to the other and says, "We sound terrible. I don't think this is going to work. Let's get rid of the violinist."

This trumpet player was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there, but I found you something. I got you a gig bagging lions."

To which the trumpet player says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100. 00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing"

. At this point the trumpet player will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his trumpet with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is more...

How do musicians do it...
Altos are sandwiched between sopranos and tenors.
Altos have body.
Bach did it with the organ.
Band members do it all night.
Band members do it in a parade.
Band members do it in front of 100,000 people.
Band members do it in public.
Band members do it in sectionals.
Band members do it on the football field.
Baritones do it deeper.
Bass clarinetists put it between their legs and blow.
Basses and altos do it lower.
Basses have rhythm.
Beethoven did it apassionately.
Beethoven was the first to do it with a full orchestra.
Choir boys do it unaccompanied.
Clarinetists do it with alternate fingerings.
Contrabass clarinetists do it deeper with a lot of tongue and steady rhythm.
Cymbal players do it with a crash.
DJs do it on request.
DJs do it on the air.
Drummers beat it.
Drummers do it in 4/4 time.
Drummers do it longer.
Drummers do it with both hands and more...