Slips Jokes

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"
After the doctor stops laughing he says, " Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping." The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for it.
They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress and as her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks:
"What the hell was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just more...

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this week-end and my fiancée thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me"?
After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, " Medically, no but here's something you can try....on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take a elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby - to - be will fall for this.
They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her legs, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" she snaps the elastic band, and hubby asks, "what the *@#% was that?
The wife explains, "oh nothing honey, more...

A little fella walks into a bar. Unfortunately for him, there is a pile of dog crap just inside the door and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself, walks to the bar and buys a drink.A great big man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of poop, falls, gets up, cleans himself and then buys a drink.Trying to strike up a conversation, the little guy turns to the big guy, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."The big guy punched him in the mouth.

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby to be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" and she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?

The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity more...

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206, 000, 000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual. EXAMPLES: 1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake. 25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese and mushrooms. 53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries. 53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned) ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3 Decanting the wine: 4 Without a corkscrew: 268 MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: 15 If you are anxious: 43 If you beg: 100 SEDUCING THE PARTNER If you are more...