Band Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Gallbladder joke

    Hot 2 years agoby Funny gal

    q. What’s the gallbladder’s favorite band?
    a. The Rolling Stones.

    Rubber Band

    Hot 7 years ago

    "Doctor, my fiance and I are getting married this weekend, and he thinks I'm still a virgin," the woman said. "Can you do anything to help me?"
    "Medically, no," replied the doctor. "Try this: When you're getting ready for bed on your wedding night, slide a thick rubber band around your upper thigh. When he enters you, snap the rubber band and explain to him that it's your cherry popping."
    On their wedding night, the bride undressed in the bathroom and slid the rubber band around her thigh. The couple then got into bed and began to make love. When her husband entered her, she snapped the rubber band right on cue.
    "What the hell was that?" exclaimed the husband.
    "That was my cherry popping," she explained.
    "Well, could you snap it again?" he moaned. "It's got my balls!"

    By Randy Jeffries/Weekly World News (January 23, 1996)
    Bocholt, Germany - A band musician died of a brain injury when the trombonist behind him jerked the slide of his trombone forward and struck the trumpeter in the back of the head!
    Police say the tragedy occurred as the Gratzfeld College band was rehearsing the spirited American jazz classic, When the Saints Go Marching In.
    According to other band members, trombonist Peter Niemeyer, 19, "got carried away" with the music. He started gyrating and thrashing around as he played.
    At one point, he jerked forward and the rounded metal slide on his instrument hit trumpet player Dolph Mohr, 20, dropping him instantly to the floor.
    "Niemeyer was pumping the slide very hard," said medical examiner Dr. Max Krause. "But it wasn't just the force of the blow that killed Mohr.
    "The slide struck him in the worst possible place - the vulnerable spot just behind and below the left ear. "Bone more...

    Virginity Snapping

    Hot 7 years ago

    Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"
    After the doctor stops laughing he says, " Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping." The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for it.
    They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress and as her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks:
    "What the hell was that?"
    The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just more...

    Arranging a Xmas party

    Hot 3 years ago

    From: Mickey Hennigan, Human Resources Director
    To: Everyone
    Date: December 1
    Re: Christmas Party
    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
    From: Mickey Hennigan, Human Resources Director
    To: Everyone
    Date: December 2
    Re: Christmas Party
    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?
    From: Mickey Hennigan, Human Resources Director
    To: more...

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