Allowance Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny's mother took him to a supermarket to buy some food.
"Anything you break comes out of your allowance money!" shouted Johnny's mother.
Johnny turned around and said "But you don't give me any allowance money!"
"Yes, and now you know why."

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house.They both decided it was time to get married.So Little Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage."Where will you live?" asked Susie's dad, thinking this was cute."Well," said Little Johnny, "I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us.""And how will you live?""I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance.That should be enough."Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers, Susie's dad asked, "And what if little ones come along?""Well," said Little Johnny, "we've been lucky so far!"

The government of Sri Lanka is now hiring MP s for the next parliament.
Salary: Rs 22100/- per month
Other allowances: ( legal)
1 Entertainment Rs 1000/- per month
2 Fuel allowance Rs 7500/- per month
3 Cell phone allowance Rs 2000/- month
4 Attending parliament Rs 4000/- per month
5 Driver's allowance Rs 3500/- per month (can use
more than one driver)
Other benefits:
1 Telephone with international connection
2 Photo copier at duty free rate ( Rs 685/-) monthly.
3 Computer at duty free rate ( Rs 1150/-)monthly.
4 Typewriter at duty free rate ( Rs 425/-) monthly.
5 Permit to import a luxury car valued at 30000 Us $
6 After 5 years another permit to import a luxury car
7 MPs those who selected are living 25 miles from
Colombo are entitled 2 story house with 3 bed rooms and other facilities ( Rs 1000 will be charged per month as rent)
Other previlages:
food at low cost from parliament more...

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house.
They both decided it was time to get married.

So Little Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage.
"Where will you live?" asked Susie's dad, thinking this was cute.
"Well," said Little Johnny, "I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us."

"And how will you live?"
"I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance.
That should be enough."

Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers,
Susie's dad asked, "And what if little ones come along?"

"Well," said Little Johnny, "we've been lucky so far!"

The new tax system is full of acronyms which makes it more difficult for the average taxpayer to grasp. The following is a simple succinct appreciation of the new system.

The new system is NUTS the New Universal Taxation System and although it may appear to be complicated, it is easy to understand.

Basically, it is STUFFT the Simplified Tax Unit For Financial Transactions.

Major elements of NUTS include a number for each business entity an Australian Business Utilisation Number (ABUN) which will be used during dealings with governments at all levels.

Every business in Australia will get ABUN with NUTS. The new system will simplify the way businesses report to the Australian Taxation Collection Head Office Organisation (ATCHOO) Businesses will be required to complete a Business Activity Statement Table And Report Directive (BASTARD) every month.

Businesses should set aside at least three days every working week to fill the BASTARD more...