Aging Jokes / Recent Jokes

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?
You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
You know more...

Signs of Aging
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
You get winded playing chess.
You're still chasing women but can't remember why.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."
You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than
romantic ones.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.

Somehow we always think we are aging at a slower rate than everyone else, this was true of this older woman who is seeing a doctor for the first time.

She was taken into a room and told to "make herself comfortable." While reading the doctor's diploma on the wall, she realizes that she went to high school with him many years ago.
The doctor enters the room; he is very gray, and slightly bent over from old age, and says "hello, how can I help you?"
The woman asks; "Did you attend Roosevelt High School?"
"Yes I did", the doctor answered.
She asks: "Class of 49?" "Yes I was", was the answered.
The woman was delighted, and said: "You were in my class!"
The doctor responded: "What did you teach?"

Signs of Aging
You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.
You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.
Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.
The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
Your children begin to look middle-aged.
You've finally reached the top of the ladder only to find it's leaning against the wrong wall.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 96 around the golf course.