"Three bull's-eyes in a row wins a prize" joke
A drunk walks into a bar and sits down. In front of each stool he sees three darts. He calls the bartender over and says, "Hey! What are these darts here for?"
The bartender says, "Well, you take the darts and throw them at the dartboard behind the bar here, and anybody that gets three bull's-eyes in a row wins a prize."
"Oh," says the drunk, stifling a burp, "all right." He picks up a dart and, weaving from side to side, hurls it, clutching the bar at the last moment just in time to prevent himself from falling off the stool. Amazingly the dart lands firmly in the center of the bull's-eye.
He picks up the second dart, and with one hand on the bar steadying himself as best he can, he throws it. With his follow-through he collapses onto the bar, his head hitting the wood with a resounding thump. Incredibly, though, the dart lodges itself right next to the other one. Another perfect bull's-eye.
The drunk then pushes himself up off the bar, picks up the third dart, and takes careful aim with two eyes that are looking in different directions. As he throws the last dart he falls backward off the stool and lands in a heap on the floor. But miraculously the dart lands once again in the bull's-eye.
As he stands up and wobbles over to the bar the drunk says loudly, "I want a prize! I want a prize!"
The bartender, astounded, says to him, "Okay, buddy. Okay. You'll get your prize. Just hang on a minute." As he turns around the bartender thinks to himself, "What am I going to do? Nobody has ever won before. What am I going to give this guy?"
Looking around the bar, he sees an old aquarium in the corner. He goes over, rolls up his sleeve, reaches into the water, and pulls out a nice, medium-size turtle. He goes back behind the bar and walks up to the drunk. "Okay, pal," he says, "here's your prize!"
The drunk's bloodshot eyes light up for an instant and he says, "Thanks a lot!" He then takes the turtle and staggers out of the bar.
A couple of weeks pass and then one day the same drunk stumbles back into the bar. He sits down at the same stool and calls out to the bartender, "I wanna try for a prize! I wanna try for a prize!"
The bartender walks over and says, "All right, buddy, go ahead."
The drunk then manages to repeat his previous performance with the one difference being that this time he manages to fall off the bar stool after every shot. However, he does make the three bull's-eyes.
"I want a prize!" he shouts. "I want a prize!" The bartender is totally flabbergasted. He says to the drunk, "I can't believe it! Nobody has ever done this before, and you've done it twice in a row!"
The drunk says, "Well, give me my - gulp! - p-p-prize."
The bartender says, "To tell you the truth, buddy, I just don't know what to give you. What did I give you last time?"
The drunk belches, smiles dreamily, and says, "Roast beef on a hard roll."
Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...
Your moma is like a brick dirty on both sides and laid by mexicans.
your mamma is so fat when she steps on the scales it says one at a time please.
Your momma is so fat when you tell her she has something on her chin she asks which one
Q: What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet