Stool Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert
    outpost. On
    his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out
    back
    of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour,
    "What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long
    way from
    anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we
    have the
    camel." The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess
    it's
    all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months,
    the
    Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN
    THE
    CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the
    Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have
    vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the
    stool
    and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that more...

    A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice. Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!" The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice. The voice came once more, "FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "NO you idiot!...this is the Ice-Rink Manager."

    (It's an oldie, but a goodie.)
    There was this guy who went into a bar. He went up to
    the bartender and said, "Bartender, are you a bettin' man?"
    The bartender replied, "Certainly! I'm ALWAYS a bettin'
    man!" To which the man said, "I'll bet you $50 that I can
    lick my right eye."
    The bartender thought about this a while
    and finally agreed to the bet. The man reached up and pulled
    out his glass right eye and licked it. The bartender groaned
    and begrudgingly gave the man his $50 telling him to leave
    his bar.
    A week or so later, the same man appeared in the bar. He went
    up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, are you still a bettin'
    man?" The bartender replied, "Certainly! I told you I'm ALWAYS
    a bettin' man!" To which the man said, "I'll bet you $100 that
    I can bite my left eye."
    Well, the bartender thought he had
    him on this one! There was no more...

    Excuses

    Hot 6 years ago

    1991 - A Montana State University chemistry professor claimed in March that he was wrongfully accused of being drunk after an accident (which occurred while he was on work-release for a previous (drunk driving sentence). While a state trooper found him "highly intoxicated," the professor said a chemical explosion in his lab caused him to smell and act drunk and that his statement to the trooper about having consumed a six-pack of beer was merely incoherent babbling" because of the trauma of the accident.
    1992 - Steven L. Johnson, 40, sentenced to two years in prison in Brookings, S.D., in April for drunk driving, explained to the judge: "I enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most pleasurable habits I've had."
    1993 - Only days apart, two Wisconsin men arrived in court drunk for their trials on drunken-driving charges. Both denied they had been drunk while driving, and both denied they were drunk in the courtroom. James Heard had a 0.26 more...

    A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.
    She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
    After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
    Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another.
    Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
    She stopped, looked skyward and said, "Is that you Lord?"
    The voice replied, "No... this is the Ice-Rink Manager...."

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