Turtle Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    "Dude, she just called you awkward!" "OH, HELL NO! Hold my turtle!"

    On A Picnic

    Hot 4 years ago

    Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
    The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back.
    A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "oh, come on, and let’s eat the sandwiches."
    Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "if you do, i won't go!"

    Turtle Crossing

    Hot 3 years ago

    Why did the turtle Cross the road? To get to the ''Shell'' station!

    A 70-year-old Texas Rancher got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle. He wrapped the hand in his bandana and drove his pickup to the doctor. While suturing the laceration, the doctor asked the old man about George W. Bush being in the White House.
    The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'Post Turtle.'"
    Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked what a Post Turtle was.
    The old man looked at him and drawled, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."
    The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain:
    "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor dumb bastard get down."

    A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.
    About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
    Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"

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