"Hilarious Reply to a Matrimonial Ad in Pakistan!!" joke

*Madam:*

I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen

your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on
you and hope you will take me nicely. I am a soiled son from inside
Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing
hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am a
fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start
running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce alot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly.
I am gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am
always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get
on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not
drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I
am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping
and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for
you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What
to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand. If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours,

Choudhary Bashir Warraich born by mother in Okara and become big n
Lahore, Punjab